Surviving Theme Parks

Tags

Dreamworld, Movie World, Seaworld, Theme Park, Wet 'n' Wild

Movie World, Gold Coast

We are unlucky enough to live 45 minutes from all the Gold Coast theme parks so my children are often given discount vouchers to Movie World or Sea World as sporting awards.  This is unfortunate for them because it means they have to hear ‘no you can’t go’ more than they might otherwise.  It’s not that I am a mean mama, it’s just that I hate theme parks.  Here’s why:

Drive time both ways: 100 minutes give or take

Standing in queue to buy tickets: 30 minutes

Time queueing for 5 rides: 150 minutes

Time on 5 rides: 10 minutes

Time queuing for ice cream: 20 minutes

Time eating ice cream: 5 minutes

Cost to enter park for 5 people: $389.95

Locker charge: $6

Human drier cost (seriously?!): $5

Ice cream x 5: $30

Photos from 5 rides: $70

Total cost = $500.95

Total time in queues and driving = 5 hours

Total time enjoying food or rides = 15 minutes

Log Ride at Movie World

Yep – I know – redonkulous right?. The glossy, happy facade of theme park fantasy world suddenly doesn’t look so pretty when you dice it up.

However, even I succumb to sad pleading children faces from time to time and in the same way that you forget childbirth, hangovers and long haul flights in economy, I briefly imagine that it will be a wonderful experience. Then 5 minutes after I’ve capitulated I realise that of course it won’t be wonderful, it’ll be godawful, but by then it’s too late.  I’m committed. So, just as I take sleeping pills for long haul economy, I have developed a few strategies to ease the pain.  Let me share a few:

• Buy tickets online to avoid the longest ticket queues
• Avoid Wet ‘n’ Wild on the hottest days of summer (speaking from the experience of someone who visited on a 34 degree day in February. With 5000 other people)
• Pack your own lunch and drinks and store them in a locker. Maybe I should mention that technically you aren’t allowed to bring in your own food unless you have ‘dietary allergies’. Well, I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to paying theme park prices for bad food
• Pack your own raincoats for rides where you might get wet instead of buying one or using the ‘human drier’
• Time your visit for the quietest time of the day – arriving at 3pm will still give you a few hours when everyone else has started leaving
• Skip the big live shows and go on rides while everyone else is occupied watching the dolphins or the Hollywood Stunt Driver
• Instead of buying the expensive photos of you screaming on the rides, just snap a shot of the screen with your iPhone on your way out. Ok, so the quality won’t be exactly great, but think of the $$$ you just saved.
• Buy yearlong passes if you live close to the parks (or please, buy mine so I never have to use them again)
• Write your phone number on your children’s hands so if they get lost they can ask someone to call you.  Form a plan in case you do lose anyone
• Be clothing prepared – if you forget hats or swim costumes or wind up needing a change of clothes because you’ve overlooked a park’s water features, they will be expensive to purchase there.

iPhone shot of otherwise expensive photo. Ok, I’m prepared to admit this isn’t the best quality.

I can’t guarantee any of these suggestions will make it a painless experience, but maybe it will ease the hurt just a tiny bit. Good luck!!

Theme Parks on the Gold Coast

Seaworld

Dreamworld

Wet ‘n’ Wild

MovieWorld

 

Shanghai: Google, Elegant, Art Deco. Guess which word is the odd one out?

Tags

China, Ritz Carlton, Shanghai

Pearl Tower, Shanghai

I had a feeling I had forgotten something, but I couldn’t figure it out.  Then I realised what was missing – it was the nagging for lollies and drinks, it was my role as Snapchat photographer.  Yes, that’s right, because I was travelling Without children.  I had to give that word a capital because it is so significant.  10 days in Shanghai and Vietnam – childless.  In my experience there are two types of mothers.  The ones who hate leaving their children and, if they have to be parted, fret for them the entire time they are away.  And then there are the other ones who, once doors are cross-checked, tray table stowed and electronic devices switched off, head straight to the nearest bar/shopping mall/massage table and don’t look back.  I’m one of the first group.  No, of course I’m kidding, I’m more the hallelujah-show-me-the-bar kind of mama.  And I like to think that’s healthier for my children because it enables them to enjoy themselves eating chocolate for dinner at nana’s without feeling guilty that they aren’t missing me and broccoli.

And so it was that I found myself at the rooftop bar of the Ritz Carlton looking out at a city that, surprised me with its elegance and style. I’m not sure what I expected – vitality and energy yes; but graciousness and elegance somehow hadn’t occurred to me.  With the famous Bund across the river, my view took in the iconic Oriental Pearl Radio and TV Tower, glowing pink and purple like a Genie’s bottle, and some of the 4000 skyscrapers that have been built over the past 30 years – an average of one popping up every three days.  At ground level art deco influences appeared everywhere, from flower boxes to buildings.

I had tried to Google ‘Shanghai’ from the hotel earlier in the day and wondered what was wrong with my internet connection. After some time and with rising panic, the penny dropped: Google (motto: Don’t Be Evil) was evil in the eyes and minds of the two million Chinese internet censors and was non grata.  I calmed down, reminding myself that I had been around a lot longer than Google and did have the mental capacity (barely) to conduct internet searches that didn’t involve googling. I typed in www.Wikipedia.com directly into my browser, and, go figure, was then able to search for ‘internet censorship in China’ and read all about it.  Poor Facebook, the New York Times and CNBC were also casualties in the internet colonic irrigation.

Bund Tunnel

With no Google maps to rely on, we had to resort to actual paper to navigate the city.  15 minutes after walking in the rain with no umbrella reminded me why people don’t use paper anymore.  The sodden mess of pulp in my hands, not really helping me when intact, was now useless.  Eventually we found the entrance to the Bund tunnel underpass. My travel guide had described this as something along the lines of a ‘garish Disney-like tunnel’.   Maybe it was my affection for all things American, but I found it utterly quirky and fun.  The tunnel pulsed with lights while a voice over described aquatic underworlds and comet showers.

Shopping

The homogenisation of shopping has pretty much ruined the experience of parting with money in foreign cities, in my humble opinion.  Zara is H&M is Gap where ever you are.  And I never understand why luxury brands don’t take the opportunity to differentiate their products by incorporating something of a country’s culture into their stores to enliven the shopping experience.  But hey, what do I know?  That’s why I’m an unpaid blogger and not the CEO of LVMH.

Tianzifang

I would suggest if you want unique shopping, skip all malls and instead head to Tianzfang.  It’s fun to get lost in this charming maze of boutiques and cafes.

Starbucks in Yuyuan Gardens

Later we did a guided tour of Yuyuan Gardens and Bazaar where skyscrapers in the background juxtapose with the picture perfect (partially replicated) old town.  Rocky ponds full of carp surround old Chinese houses and the only jarring note is the ubiquitous Starbucks sitting weirdly in the centre of the courtyard.  At a basement silk shop I learned the difference between winter silk and spring silk.  The spring silk is finer and silkier and if you blow through it on your hand you can feel your breath coming through.  The spring silk should feel cooler on your skin when you first touch it.  You won’t notice a temperature difference with the winter silk. The spring silk is also more expensive, so you could also just look at the price tag.

 

Eating

We did guided tours and were confined to eating at the hotel apart from one meal at Spanish restaurant El Willy on the Bund.  My Lonely Planet guide recommended these as great places to eat:

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/china/shanghai/restaurants

Hotel

Ritz Carlton, Pudong

I stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Pudong.  It is located adjacent to the luxury shopping mecca that is the IFC Mall – a replica of the one in Hong Kong, except with fewer customers and the notable absence of Lane Crawford.  The Ritz Carlton was faultless.  Decorated in art deco style, with red shagreen walls in the elevator and sea foam green silk drapes in the bedrooms, it mirrored the elegance of Shanghai city.